The Bartholomew of Time

I’ve found that if you look at any word in English long enough, it will stop making sense and you’ll understand how non-native speakers felt the first time they tried to learn our ridiculous language.

But what’s worse than looking at the word “if” and questioning its existence in the dictionary is trying to figure out just what the heck our phrases mean.

For example: I heard he kicked the bucket and the other guy won the game by the skin of his teeth and just in the nick of time too.

…just take a good look at those phrases. Think about them literally and what they mean then. I have no idea how non-native speakers survive.

Like, just who the heck is Nick and what does he have to do with time? Does he control it? Can he manipulate it? Did he steal the power to control it from a galaxy overlord and as a result, the overlord turned him into a metaphor, only to be known by the phrase “the nick of time?” Most importantly, what does all that have to do with barely being on time to school or work?

Let’s just all pay homage to Nick’s parents for naming him Nick, and not Bartholomew.


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