Babies are the most manipulative type of human. I would know, since I’m the oldest and have seen several of them grow up.
There are two type of babies:
- The innocent baby who cries because they’re hungry, or they’re itching to get out of a diaper.
- The baby who cries because it’s an effective way to get what they want.
I’m in real conflict as to which one I dislike the most (because hate is a strong word). Example 1 babies are bad because they don’t know they’re being annoying and are simply doing what infant human instincts require of them. What’s even worse is that when these kind of babies cry, they cry with fat teardrops spilling out of their eyes at alarming speed.
You don’t get to be mad at them because it’s not their fault. But you still are because they tend to realize they’re hungry in the worst places. The store, your strict aunt’s house, CHURCH.
Church is literally the worst place for babies to start crying. Especially when it comes to Example 2 babies.
These babies are evil masterminds. One minute they’re quiet and being the cutest possible thing, then they see something they want, and it’s an all-out attack.
Baby: I want that candy bar you have there
You: B-but, I want it.
Baby: If you don’t give it to me, I’ll cry.
You: *gasp* You wouldn’t. We’re in church!
Baby: Try me, twinkle toes.
You either give them want they want straight off the bat to avoid trouble, or you deny them of the candy and endure a thousand hard stares coming from other members, whose children look so prim and proper compared to yours.
And this doesn’t just apply to food. Anything ranging from public piggy back rides to things other strangers own. All at the expense of your personal dignity.
If babies weren’t cute, I don’t think people would bother making so many of them, for all the trouble they’re worth.
But they are cute. So we cut them some slack anyway.